Surviving the Holidays with a Family Member Who Has Dementia

Here are some tips for surviving the holidays with a family member who has dementia:

1. Set Realistic Expectations

Holidays can be stressful even without dementia in the picture, so it’s important to set realistic expectations for yourself and your loved one. Understand that your loved one with dementia may not be able to fully participate in all the traditions or festivities as they once did. This might mean skipping certain family traditions or adjusting how you celebrate.

Instead of focusing on what can't be done, think about what can be done and how you can adapt. Perhaps instead of a large family dinner, you could host a smaller, quieter gathering or engage in a low-key activity that your loved one can participate in, like looking at holiday lights or listening to music together.

2. Create a Calm, Structured Environment

For someone with dementia, routine and predictability are key to reducing confusion and anxiety. During the holidays, it’s easy to get swept up in the chaos, but maintaining some consistency in your loved one’s environment can help them feel more secure.

Consider setting aside specific times for meals, naps, and quiet activities. If you’re traveling or hosting guests, try to ensure that familiar items—like a favorite blanket, photographs, or comforting scents—are present to provide reassurance.

It may also be helpful to reduce noise levels and limit the number of people in the room at any given time. Large crowds and loud conversations can easily overwhelm someone with dementia, so a calmer environment may be more conducive to their well-being.

3. Communicate Clearly and Gently

As dementia progresses, communication can become more difficult for both the person with dementia and their family members. They may struggle to find words or become confused about who people are. To ease this, it’s important to use clear, simple language and maintain a gentle tone.

Avoid correcting them when they make mistakes or forget details. Instead, try to reassure them and redirect their attention in a positive way. For example, if they don't recognize a family member, you can say something like, “It’s your niece, Sarah! She’s come to spend some time with us,” while keeping the mood light.

If they seem agitated or frustrated, try to shift the focus to something more comforting, like a favorite holiday song, a cherished memory, or even a cup of tea. Keep the conversation simple and take breaks if needed.

4. Incorporate Familiar Traditions

While your loved one may not be able to participate in every holiday tradition as they once did, you can still find ways to incorporate elements of their past celebrations. For example, you could play their favorite holiday songs, decorate the house in a way that reminds them of past holidays, or look through old photo albums together.

The goal is not to recreate the past but to connect them to the season in a way that feels familiar and comforting. Activities that engage their senses, like baking cookies together or watching holiday films, can also bring joy without overwhelming them.

5. Take Care of Yourself

Caring for a loved one with dementia can be emotionally and physically exhausting, especially during the holidays when you’re juggling extra responsibilities. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to make everything perfect, but it’s crucial to take care of your own well-being as well.

Remember to take breaks when you can—whether that means stepping outside for a walk, taking a nap, or simply sitting down for a quiet moment. Enlist the help of other family members or friends when possible, and don’t hesitate to ask for support.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reach out to a local caregiver support group or talk to a professional who can offer guidance. The holidays can be challenging, but it’s important to recognize that you are doing your best, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

6. Plan for Changes and Be Flexible

Dementia is unpredictable, and your loved one’s needs may change from day to day. While it’s important to plan for the holidays, it’s equally important to remain flexible and ready to adjust your expectations.

If your loved one becomes fatigued, confused, or agitated, don’t be afraid to shorten the celebration or take a break. If they’re having a particularly difficult day, it’s okay to cancel plans or modify the festivities to meet their needs. Being flexible will help reduce stress for both you and your loved one.

7. Create New Memories

While the holidays may not look the same as they once did, this doesn’t mean they can’t still be meaningful. It’s okay to let go of some past traditions in favor of creating new ones. For example, you might start a new tradition of creating a family scrapbook or a video diary of the day. Even simple moments, like taking a photo with your loved one or sharing a quiet moment of reflection, can create memories that you and your family will cherish for years to come.

Ultimately, the most important thing is to show love, patience, and understanding. While it’s normal to feel a sense of loss or grief as you see your loved one change, focusing on the present moment and the joy of being together can help make the holidays a meaningful time for everyone.

Conclusion

Celebrating the holidays with a family member who has dementia can be difficult, but it is also an opportunity to cherish the time you have together. By setting realistic expectations, creating a calm environment, communicating gently, and taking care of yourself, you can navigate the season with more grace and less stress. Remember, the holidays are not about perfection—they’re about connection, love, and making the most of the time you have with the ones you hold dear.